Transitioning to the Crib
What to do when your baby’s sleep is keeping you and your spouse from sleeping in the same bed at night.
Are you (or your spouse) contact sleeping and/or bed-sharing with the baby overnight? Is this preventing you and your spouse from sleeping in the same bed? It’s so common and normal for a new baby to take a toll on marriage, but you can get through this and get back to sleeping in the same bed together. A few months ago I worked with a family who struggled with this. The dad was sleeping in the recliner holding the baby half the night! Both parents were ready to help their baby girl learn how to sleep independently in her own crib all night and we were successful!
Now, here’s my top tips to consider as you make the transition from contact sleep and bed-sharing. Note these tips can be applied to a baby OR a toddler who is making this transition!
If your baby has been bed-sharing with you overnight for an extended period of time, I recommend that you choose a very gentle approach to supporting your baby as he or she learns to sleep independently in their own sleep space (i.e. crib, pack n play, or bassinet). I typically work with a lot of leave & check methods, but in these circumstances where a baby is not at all used to sleeping alone and is not familiar with the sleep space, like the crib, then I recommend a stay in the room approach. Staying in the room, at least the first few nights, gives you the ability to be very hands-on. The first few nights your goal is just to get your baby to accept their new sleep space and fall asleep there. The goal is NOT for he or she to fall asleep alone. Your baby will benefit from your presence, support, and comfort those first few nights in a new environment!
My second tip is to make sure you’re following an age appropriate schedule AND recognizing your baby’s own UNIQUE sleep needs! There are so many example sleep schedules by age out there, you can see mine here, and while any age-corresponding sample schedule is a good starting point, you should also keep in mind that each baby has unique sleep needs. You may notice your baby has higher sleep needs or lower sleep needs than other babies their age and that’s okay! Adjust the schedule you’re following as needed to provide your baby with the right sleep opportunities for them. But why is a schedule so important if every baby is so unique? Well, there is some science behind the example schedules you see out there. For example, it’s pretty agreed upon that most 7-9 month olds should not stay awake longer than 3.5 hours before bedtime, otherwise they may become overtired. A baby that is overtired has actually experienced a spike in stress hormones like cortisol! Understandably so, these stress hormones will hinder sleep. When working to improve your little one’s sleep, one of the main goals is to prevent him or her from becoming overtired. Simply put, an overtired baby cannot cope well, learn well, or sleep well.
Last of all, make a plan for how you and your spouse can stay committed to the process and be CONSISTENT. When I see parents sometimes assist their baby to sleep or even bring their baby back to bed and and other days expect their baby to sleep alone in the crib, then I see babies who are ultimately more anxious about sleep and cry a lot more! Being consistent actually makes your baby feel SAFE and SECURE. Your baby will of course protest the new sleep habits and changes at the beginning, but as you stay consistent he or she will come to understand the process. The predictability about how you respond to them at times of sleep will actually create safety and security for your baby.
Comment below to tell me which of these tips is the most helpful for you to hear about! I’d love to hear about where you’re at in your sleep journey with your baby or toddler.
