Sustainable Sleep Habits
As a certified baby & toddler sleep consultant, with nearly 3 years of experience, a common concern I hear from parents is that they believe they’ve “messed up”, ”failed”, “been bad”, or even “ruined their baby” because their baby will only fall asleep when being held or fed. I especially hear nursing moms express feelings of failure when they share that their baby will only fall asleep while nursing, or co-sleepers express feelings of failure because their baby will only contact sleep. Want to know what I think about whether or not this is “failure”?
. . .
I disagree! Those ways of helping your baby sleep are NOT failure, it is not negative, wrong, or bad. And your baby is NOT ruined if he or she doesn’t know how to sleep alone in their crib right now!
While some might see baby sleep as very white and black, saying there’s a right way and a wrong way to help your baby sleep, I don’t actually view it that way at all. Rather than thinking about what's right or wrong and what’s success or failure, try asking yourself questions like: what is helpful for you and your baby to get the rest you need? What is a long-term, sustainable way to help your baby sleep? And, what are you comfortable doing when it comes to sleep for your baby?
Trust me, ALL of us as parents are going to answer those questions very differently!
For instance, some moms will say that co-sleeping is helpful for her and her baby to get the rest they need and might say it is sustainable for them long-term! Others might say, temporarily co-sleeping is helpful, but it won’t be sustainable for long. And a few of us might say, we’re actually not even comfortable with co-sleeping at all.
Co-sleeping aside though, what about just feeding or rocking your baby to sleep and then transferring him or her to their crib? Is that helpful for you? Is it sustainable for you? Are you comfortable with that habit?
I talk to families every day who would answer these questions very differently. If co-sleeping, rocking to sleep, or feeding to sleep is helpful for you, sustainable for you, and comfortable for you, then I am sincerely so glad you have found something that works for you and your family to get the rest you need! Rest for families is my passion! My job though is to help parents when they get to the point where their current sleep habits are no longer helpful, sustainable, or comfortable.
Several months ago I worked with a mom named Emily whose son, Colton, was about 6 months old at the time. When Emily started working with me, Colton was needing to be rocked to sleep for every nap (which was taking her up to 45 minutes at times), then taking short naps, and was also waking up multiple times a night for feedings. Rocking Colton to sleep was not helpful, sustainable, or comfortable for Emily. She mentioned to me how hard it was when they’d be having guests over and she’d be up in the nursery for 45 minutes just trying to get him to sleep. Or, her older toddler would be left alone waiting for her while she rocked Colton to sleep. The multiple night wakings were also something unsustainable. Emily knew that her son was healthy and eating well so from a nutritional standpoint he did not need 2 bottles per night.
After just a few days of working together, Colton had new sleep habits that would be helpful and sustainable for their whole family! He learned to fall asleep independently for naps, take multiple 90+ minute naps each day, AND sleep 11-12 hours through the night. We did not use a full cry it out method either, Emily was able to respond to Colton’s cries and support him through the process! Here’s what Emily has shared about her experience working with me:
“Before working with Anna, Colton was waking multiple times a night, having a hard time falling asleep for naps and having short naps. Once we started working with Anna she helped to customize and adjust his schedule perfectly! In just a day he was sleeping all night, taking long naps and falling asleep independently (I no longer had to rock him to sleep for every nap.) Anna was so incredibly understanding and responsive to all of our needs and questions! As Colton got older and was dropping naps, we subscribed to Anna’s services to help us transition. I can’t recommend her enough!”
